Day 30

Closing in on ONE MONTH!

Not bragging about this first month. But it's all about One Day at a Time! And today was successful! I decided to time myself with the running app. I have it linked to Facebook automatically now when I complete a run to help hold me accountable. Also I like to check my pace. Tonight was on a pretty full stomach and I did the best I've done in a while.

This Saturday I have to run 3 miles. Earlier in the morning is easier to not have a full stomach but sometimes not enough fuel.

Bryan pretty much stayed with my pace, which is nice. He could run longer than I can but the stop lights let me catch up. If we had the dog I would feel faster... He's not used to running distance. He's usually dragging his claws by the half mile cool down. I just need to run more than one mile a day.

..... Maybe I could run around the block in the morning with the dog to get him training!?! It wouldn't hurt me... It could give me that extra push I'm looking for! I wouldn't have to do it daily cuz he'll need recover days! Monday and Thursday for sure! That's a great though for next week!

found this from 2010

I don’t remember much of my childhood. Bits and pieces come up from time to time- a lot of bad memories-which lead me to believe they are all repressed memories.

 School- I mostly don’t remember history. Some basic science, ANY English, apparently. I do remember basic math!! Definitely don’t remember much Religion! I was the ‘loser’ in school. Friends with Nicole, but she was friends with the “cool” kids. Think that may be a good reason to ignore it all…

 Why was I the one no one wanted to be friends with? I don’t remember being mean. I don’t remember anything. Shy, quiet maybe…

 -In public school I found friends with the “dorks”. Public school became social hour instead of school. Did what I had to pass-some times it came close. Had to do summer school.

 Why did I always end up with the dorks? Was I so socially inept? Did I even use that correctly?

 At home- I didn’t like going to my dad’s. None of my friends were near by and I don’t make friends well (still to this day). My dad was mean and scary! He talked bad about mom—mom and Frank always talked bad about him.
 - Frank was very strict. Asshole a lot of the time. Don’t know if we/I was really bad enough to deserve Frank’s “Assholeness”. Just remember fighting a lot and me “hating” him. Wishing mom would divorce him
 - I remember wanting to hand out with my sister and friends but I was the little sister no one wanted around. I got played with cuz they were forced or that bored. I remember fighting with my sister A LOT!
 - There was a girl in the neighborhood I was friends with but as we got older we grew apart. I didn’t wanna hang out anymore and remember being REALLY mean about it.
 - I don’t remember relationships at daycare. Just remember stabbing Valerie in the knee/leg. Valerie and I were friends when we were alone and didn’t have anyone else – but still wound up fighting.

 I feel if someone was to describe me it would be “simple minded” or “ignorant”

 Why do I always beat myself up? Why do I always beat everyone up? Well, not everyone… those I don’t look up to? Am I saying I look down on said people? Am I that shallow? Or pretentious? Correct? Conceited?